December 15, 2006
What's the Difference Between Voting in the WebLog Awards and Voting as a Democrat?
A Democrat can vote as many times as he wants, but only within 24 hours. Vote early and vote often.
Reasoned Audacity is one of the top ten finalists for Best Business Blog.
This is the last day for voting. Please visit The Weblog Awards 2006 at Best Business Blog and vote for Reasoned Audacity.
We will be in your debt.
Please also consider these other finalists:
Democrats are welcome.
Democrat Richard J. Daley, former Mayor of Chicago,
Gentlemen, get the thing straight once and for all — the policeman isn’t there to create disorder, the policeman is there to preserve disorder.
We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement.
Read the 10 Chicago Rules of Political Fund-Raising at the jump.
Chicago Rules of Political Fund-Raising
I obtained the following memorandum from the Chicago political machine:
1. All political contributions must be in cash, in small denomination bills, so that the sources cannot be traced or remembered. A campaign financed by a large number of small contributions looks more grass-roots and democratic, anyway.
2. Take contributions from all sides of an issue, therefore no one can say they bought the candidate because too many conflicting interests will have the same claim. Contributions are supposed to buy access, therefore an effective fund-raising strategy is to ” maximize access”.
3. Never try and raise money while inside a government building or on a government job. This makes it look like the candidate is using taxpayer money to raise funds. Appearances are more importance than substances. The target knows you are the government and what that means. There is plenty of time after 5 pm to hustle for dough, and the parking lot is as good a place as any to solicit.
4. Never have the political candidate directly handle any money. The candidate can ask for money, but it has to be given to someone else to carry and spend. Remember, candidates never touch money. It looks tacky. And the candidate might spend the money.
5. Buy lots of television time and newspaper ad space with the money, because these are expenditures the media will never question. The more people who benefit from campaign expenditures, the fewer there are to question them.
6. Rewards are always made before the donation, therefore no one can claim they got the reward for the donation. Let them spend the night in the Governor’s Mansion or the White House before they write the check. Of course, some people will rip the candidate off, but if the candidate wins, there is plenty of time to get even, or collect a belated donation.
7. Make sure anyone appointed to public office looks at least remotely qualified for the job so the candidate can deny the $100,000 they donated to the campaign had anything to do with them getting the job. If this is the last time the candidate is running for the position, make sure at least 3 different contributors think they’re in line for the appointment, as this increases campaign cash-flow and the candidate’s credibility when he or she claims they did not promise to job to any one person. (Then appoint a relative).
8. It is illegal to take money from foreign governments. Make sure the money comes from an account in the name of a US citizen.
9. There are only two kinds of people–friends and enemies. Friends give money. Enemies give subpoenas.
10. The only way to avoid illegal political contributions is to eliminate political contributions. Unfortunately, elimination of political contributions would make politics very unprofitable.