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Work and Family: One Size Does Not Fit All

December 23, 2006 | By | No Comments

No ‘cookie-cutter’ solutions: Family expert Charmaine Yoest says creativity, flexibility are keys to resolving work/family issues

Charmaine Yoest acknowledges that creative solutions to juggling work and family are never easy. “That’s part of why I study it as an issue.”

By Elizabeth Kiem [from May 14, 2004]

Charmaine Yoest, a doctoral candidate in U.Va.’s Woodrow Wilson Department of Politics, is an up-and-coming young expert on family policy issues.


Charmaine Yoest

Photo by Andrew Shurtleff By normal counts, her 10 years at the University have been hyper-productive: Her papers on the subject are prolific, as are her media appearances, congressional testimonies and academic presentations. She has written a book on working mothers and is completing a second on parental leave policies.

But Yoest’s career must be viewed in the context of a not-so-typical doctoral student’s family life — she is the 39-year-old mother of five children, ranging from age 10 to infancy.

“I hope it’s inspirational to some,” she said of her ability to pursue her studies and career even with a full capacity mini-van. “Obviously I couldn’t do what I’ve done unless my husband was willing to live a nontraditional life as well.”

Yoest acknowledges that her domestic situation, with close family near by to step into the child-care breach and a husband willing to reduce his workload significantly to help raise children, has been unusually conducive to her career. Nonetheless, she would like to see more families adopt a “nontraditional lifestyle” to accommodate childrearing and professional equality among the parents.

There is such an emphasis on work and family that sometimes the family gets lost because people are so focused on ‘how can we facilitate work? she said.

A regular on the political talk-shows, Yoest is careful with her words, aware of just how politicized the debate has become. She is quick to emphasize that her pro-family stance in no way negates her advocacy for women to pursue careers and advanced education, as she has done. The mission, she says, is to find creative ways to do both — and women require the participation of spouses and employers to do so.

Continue reading at the jump.


Thank you (foot)notes:

Originially published by UVA Insider May 2004.

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21 Aug



Love and Respect

August 21, 2006 | By | 2 Comments

Jack has a marketing angle to the love, marriage, children business.


Tom McMahon’s 4-Block World is proof that truth is simple as salt and sells.

Tom points us to the block to be in for us marketing guys positioning a brand: Love and Respect.

Love and Respect. Ying and Yang. Nuts and Bolts. Male and Female. Like Sex.

It has ancient Biblical proportions. Where each gender has a different directive from that Good Book: Men are commanded to Love their wives. Wives are commanded to Respect their husbands.

Together, the two become one. Eternal. Brand.

With children as dividends.

As a Lovemark.


Bookmark Tom McMahon for your daily reading enjoyment.

Cross Post from Jack Yoest and Great Brands.

New York Times: Bad for the Country, Bad for Spouses

June 28, 2006 | By | One Comment

Cross Post from Jack Yoest with Adultery.

adultery_scarborough_charmaine.JPG Charmaine appeared on Joe Scarborough’s show last night. She was debating a recent New York Times article. It said that cheating on a spouse can be good.

The Grey Lady has gone crazy.

But that’s not news.

Congressman/talk show host Scarborough was able to find a woman to agree that extra, extra-marital sex can be, well, therapeutic.

The woman, Jennifer Berman, is some kind of doctor; a licensed therapist. She treats the crazies.

She should put the Grey Lady on the couch.

Then they could waste each other’s time and leave normal people alone.

Anyway, here’s the clip, courtesy Peter Shinn:

Charmaine Yoest, Ph.D. on Scarborough Country.


Charmaine in hair and makeup

Photo Credit: The Dude


Charmaine on the set on remote.

Photo Credit: The Dude


Charmaine and The Dude at MSNBC in DC


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Thankyou (foot)notes:

Be sure to see It Doesn’t Matter What The Media Says, As Long As They Spell Your Name Right over on Small Business Trends Radio. My weekly column appears there on Fridays.

Update: The Sky is Falling: Elite Women Want Motherhood?

September 21, 2005 | By | No Comments

Alert reader, Carl at Gelf Magazine has outstanding reporting and an astute observation.

Dr. Yoest,

I saw your post about yesterday’s NYT article …And noticed your comment about the methodology:

“The article is heavy on anecdote and fails to ever explain its methodology — the source of its “data” is email responses from some young women at the Ivy’s. So, even though I think the conclusion is interesting and one that I agree with, in all honesty the researcher in me has to point out to you that this is not terribly reliable reporting.”

Carl continues:

It seems you had reason to be suspicious. Over at Gelf, to which I contribute, we’ve run a copy of the survey the NYT reporter emailed to Yale students, as sent to us by one of the recipients. The survey seems to have leading questions, basically implying that all Yale women must be straight and want kids: story here David Goldenberg byline .

Well done. Carl nails it down:

Among the leading questions, many from right at the top of the survey:

When you have children, do you plan to stay at home with them or do you plan to continue working? Why?

If you plan to continue working, do you plan to work full-time in an office, or full-time from your house, or part-time in an office, or part-time from your house? Why?

If you plan to stay at home with your kids, do you plan to return to work? If so, how old will you wait for your kids to be when you return?

Was your mom a stay-at-home mom? Explain whether she worked, and how much she worked! Were you glad with her choice (to either work or stay-at-home or whatever combination she did)?

How do you think college-age men at Yale feel about whether wives should stay at home with their kids?/

In polling we call this “priming the pump.” It is used to direct answers with subtle questions with subtle assumptions. Good polls are designed to uncover the truth (of opinion) across a broad sample. Bad polls have an agenda. This is, as Carl suggests, a bad survey.

I will have more in coming posts on The NYT’s political and cultural agenda.

No matter what our differences in the blogosphere, the work by Gelf Magazine shows us why the NYT chopped 500 jobs and is bleeding red ink. The NYT has lost the public trust — because of such questionable reporting.

# # #

Outside The Beltway has more on the NYT’s firings.

David Blankenhorn and Jonathan Rauch Debate Gay Marriage

June 29, 2005 | By | One Comment


David Blankenhorn and Jonathan Rauch

Last night at the Independent Women’s Forum, David Blankenhorn, President of the Institute for American Values, and Jonathan Rauch, author of Gay Marriage: Why It Is Good for Gays, Good for Straights, and Good for America debated the issue of gay marriage.

Perhaps one of the more interesting elements of the evening was that I thought Jonathan Rauch made one really important point. He said that as he has been giving speeches about his book, he was surprised when he “found myself having to sell marriage to straight people.”

Sigh. Sad, but true.

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23 Jun


Et Tu, Michael? Hearts and Head-stones. . .

June 23, 2005 | By |

Be careful whom you marry: they might get to pick your gravestone.

As Janette at Common Sense Runs Wild and Jody at Steal the Bandwagon have noted, Terri Schiavo’s grave marker, is All About Michael.

And an inscription lesson for us all. Sadly, Terri was not the first to be slighted by a surviving spouse. Remember Fred Astaire? Oh, yeah, him, the husband of What’s-Her-Name:


The Wall Street Journal reminded us of selfish spouses in Having a Say in Your Epitaph:

He was the world’s best-known dancer and a legendary film star. But if you visit Fred Astaire’s gravesite in Chatsworth, Calif., you’re reminded only of this: He had a widow.

He married his second wife, Robyn, in 1980, when he was 81 years old and she was 35. After he died in 1987, she wrote the 11 words on his grave marker: “Fred Astaire. I will always love you my darling. Thank you.”

There’s a lesson here. If you want your tombstone to be about you, you’d better speak up. Otherwise, whoever is in charge of picking out your marker might decide to chisel something along the lines of: “Enough about him. Let me tell you about me.”

And so we see the same nonsense from Michael “I Kept my Promise” Schiavo (Which promise was that? The one about being faithful Till Death Do Us Part?):


With apologies to Shakespeare’s Julius Ceasar:

I come to bury Terri,

Not to praise her.

The evil that I do lives after her;

The good is interred with her bones…

When love begins to sicken and decay,

It useth an enforcèd ceremony.

By heaven, I had rather have coins,

And drop her blood for drachmas…

Pick your mate with care. They just might get the last word.

* * *

See also Tammy at A Mom and Her Blog.

A salute to Mudville Gazette who understand duty and honor at Open Post.

Thank you to Outside The Beltway giving voice to others on Beltway Traffic Jam.

ProLifeBlogs gets it right in the debate in Bobby Schindler Responds

More Shakespeare’s Sister speaking out on BlogWhoring.

Welcome Readers

June 18, 2005 | By | No Comments


Thank you for clicking through to the Independent Women’s Forum and to Reasoned Audacity. It is an honor to have you visit.

09 Jun



Thank Heaven for Little Girls: Congrats to George and Jeffrey

June 9, 2005 | By | 2 Comments


Thank heaven for little girls

for little girls get bigger every day!

Thank heaven for little girls

they grow up in the most delightful way!

Those little eyes so helpless and appealing

one day will flash and send you crashin’ thru the ceilin’. . .

* * *


George Stephanopoulos

and Ali Wentworth

Credit: Andrea Renault/Globe

Shortly after she became engaged to George Stephanopoulos, Alexandra, “Ali” Wentworth and I were riding the elevator up to tape Politically Incorrect. George was, at the time, one of Washington’s most eligible bachelors, so the engagement was a Big Deal here in the Nation’s Capital. Just to make conversation, I asked Ali if it was weird for her personal happiness to be such a big media event.

She looked at me quizzically, shrugged, and replied: “Well, it would have been the same if I’d married a rock star.”

Oh. Right.

Well huzzah for high expectations. She was actually quite pleasant, so I’m glad to see that my cynically low expectations for their union appear ill-founded. The Big News now is the arrival of a new Stephanopoulos: their second daugher, Harper.

You can read all about it at the Celebrity Baby Blog, which is a hoot. But they missed the news of another important recent baby girl arrival, blog baby: Caitlyn King!


Caitlyn King

But she’s a celebrity here: look at that cute face. Caitlyn is the daughter of Jeffrey King at [defunct blog]Three Fingers. Daddy and daughter and mom are doing fine.

The years go by too fast . . . we’re thanking heaven for our first baby girl, who turned twelve this week. Before you know it, you turn around, and they look like this. . .Happy Birthday, baby, I love you.


My sweet Dreamer

Photo credit: Helena Yoest

So Congratulations George and Jeffrey! And welcome Harper and Caitlyn.

While I am all teary over my baby girl’s birthday, my husband, Jack is gearing up for battle with the boys. He insists I send along to you new fathers his battle-plan — W. Bruce Cameron’s 8 Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter, a must-read for every dad with a daughter. He thinks you might want to keep it handy. . .

W. Bruce Cameron’s Rules

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Thank you to Mudville Gazette for Open Post

(** And if this trackback belongs to you:», please contact me: I owe you a link! **)

Update: Thanks to Wizbang with Carnival of the Trackbacks XV for helping to celebrate.

Update: Big Congratulations for another girl-baby blogger! June 6th, 2005 “BORN” Lillianne Grace Ransom. Newport Beach, CA. 8 pounds, three ounces. Posted by Greg Ransom at PrestoPundit, alerted byMusing Minds at Congratulations to the Ransoms

The world is a better place.

28 June 2005, Up Date on another baby girl alerted by Marla Swoffer.

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03 Jun



Arlington National Cemetery, John Wesley Yoest, USN, BMCS

June 3, 2005 | By | 7 Comments

Every time we’ve made the left turn onto Eisenhower Drive, and passed through the imposing brick gates of Arlington National Cemetery, I’ve been overwhelmed with emotion. Family members of those buried at Arlington National Cemetery are given a special pass and may drive onto the Hallowed Grounds to visit the grave of their loved one. It’s an enormous honor which makes me feel humbled.


The Penta-Posse

at Arlington National Cemetery

My husband’s father served thirty years in the United States Navy, and died the year I married into the family, so I didn’t know him well. And the fact is, after a lifetime of nine-month Mediterranean tours, wars, and rumors of war, there is a lot my husband doesn’t know as well.

However, over the 15 years that we’ve been married, I have gotten to know my mother-in-law well. She doesn’t talk either about the sacrifices she made, but there is one story that she has told me several times.

Once, when my father-in-law was out on tour, and she was home with three small children, the car broke down and, of course, she had to take care of it. My husband marched up and said, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll fix it.” He was about five years old at the time.

My mother-in-law laughs. . . the little man, takin’ care of things. But it makes me cry.

We owe a lot to our military families.

When we visited Arlington this past week, we passed at least three funeral ceremonies on the way to Section 64. I lost track of the fresh graves and the still-standing tents, either just vacated by other grieving families, or awaiting the afternoon’s fresh, raw sorrow.

As we pulled up on Bradley Avenue, an Air Force honor guard was marching precisely back to their bus after a ceremony for an airman who had been a POW in Korea. While we searched for my father-in-law’s headstone, an empty horse-drawn caisson lumbered past, and settled briefly in the shade nearby, awaiting their next assignment. . .


We found my father-in-law’s headstone: The front has the Christian Cross with the old Chief’s Curriculum Vita. Chief Yoest cut high school to catch World War II. He retired with rows of ribbons and a “v” device, and pinned butterbars on his boy. He now has a grandson, The Dude, who bears his name and wants to be a Navy pilot.

The reverse of the stone is blank, awaiting the inscripton for Chief Yoest’s high school sweetheart, his wife, Jack’s mom, “Babcia” (Polish for Grandmother), who is still with us. In the end, they will be buried together, an honor she earned.

As we turned to go, the Diva took her jingle-bell necklace from around her neck, and left it on the headstone. A fitting tribute for a warrior.


Sailors, rest your oars.

We drove back down Bradley Avenue — past a fresh grave covered by a tarp. In front of us, sparkling in the bright sunlight of a gorgeous day, stretched row after row of white marble markers, orderly, peaceful, some weathered, others new and crisply chiseled . . .

I turned to the Penta-Posse. “I want you to look,” I said. “I want you to understand, that each one of these headstones represents someone who gave their life so that you could be free.”

They were quiet and solemn. The weight of it is beyond measure.

The Dreamer said, “Don’t cry, Mom.”

We made the right turn onto Eisenhower. We drove slowly toward the exit, passing the drive to the Tomb of the Unknowns to our left, until we came to a crosswalk thronged with tourists. The guard on duty motioned to the crowd to stop, and we drove through, passing through the gates, back to a busy day, leaving behind — the curious crowds, the chattering school children. . . and the silent stones.

Other Memorial Day Links:

Blackfive with “Opening the Gates of Heaven.”

Intel Dump

Marine Corps Moms

LaShawn Barber’s Corner

See Traffic Jam

Chastity in Iraq; Chastity for Top Gun — Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise and Enduring Values

May 12, 2005 | By | One Comment

Sex and virtue . . . Men across cultures: Are good-girls back still in style? Maybe there are some customs so enduring they sell in both Hollywood . . . and Iraq.

Army Colonel John R. Martin writes from Iraq:

One of the servicemen here married an Iraqi woman working for us. Even in the twenty-first century, American soldiers are supposed to ask permission before doing such things. He didn’t, but we’re still trying to help him get his war bride home.

I took the issue to the consular officer at the embassy today, so I got to look at the application. The marriage certificate included certification that a dowry had been requested ($25,000) and excused by the bride’s family.

Also had a statement of the bride’s chastity. Wonder if those things would sell in the U.S.

Well, yes, Col. Martin, they just might.

The tabloids are all agog with word that Katie Holmes has stated to the world that she will remain a virgin until she marries.

Katie Holmes

with her parents

And now she’s dating Tom Cruise (not really a Top Gun, but played one in the movies).

Tom and Katie together in Rome

The tabloids have reported breathlessly that Cruise filled Katie’s room with dozens of red roses.

I wish I could tell Lynndie England she could have done so much better than having sex with a dud.

Of course, we’ve seen this scenario before with other starlets. But my vote is with Katie. Why? Look at that picture of her with her parents. Both of them. While other reporters are fixated on the wolf with red roses, I’m interested in what she has to say about the other man in her life — her father: She consults him on every major decision, and “He always tried to intimidate boys who wanted to date me,” she says (according to Sky Showbiz, link above.)

It’s a dad thing. In every culture.

On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?

Would he offer me his mouth?


Would he offer me his teeth?


Would he offer me his jaws?


Would he offer me his hunger?


Again, would he offer me his hunger?


And would he starve without me?


And does he love me?



On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?


You took the words right out of my mouth. . .

© by MeatLoaf

Thanks to alert readers, Stan H., and the Brilliant Brother.

Link to Mudville’s Open Post

Attaboy to Attaboy

See Jackson’s Junction

Outside the Beltway has news and pic

Update: Blogger 11D also thinks the couple is odd.

Update: Common Sense Runs Wild is making sense

Update: See what the Professor thinks at Daniel W. Drezner about Katie Holmes/Cruise

Update: Steal The Bandwagon presents another question at Katie Holmes…

Update: Michelle Malkin has pic of the Death Grip

update 22 June 2005: The Owner’s Manual has more wisdom/wit at Tom Cruise: The Movie

The Anchoress has an excellent opinion as always

Update July 14: The Movie Star Blog says Cruise Gets Results.